Oh my god is that real

                it was a usual start to a usual day, the threat of out of town big bosses coming through to tell us that everything we are doing was wrong. Everyone doing their part helping straighten and cleaning up the restaurant. The bartender came to me pale and said "I need you to see something"Wtf man the big guys are due here any minute, what is it. He said you have to see it with your own eyes. I followed him to the men's room, my immediate thought was this can't be good. We entered the restroom, he walked over to the handicap stall and pushed the door open, turned and looked at me. I said "what man." The bartender said "look in the toilet." Against my better judgement I looked down. "Oh my god is that real" I shrieked like a little school girl." I guess" replied the bartender. In the toilet sat the largest turd i had ever seen. It looked like someone popped both ends out of a dog food can and pushed it out into the toilet. there was no tapered ends like someones asshole opened up and this giant turd fell out. With the big guys due any minute i said to the bartender "what are we going to do with that?" He said he would be right back, mean while i kept flushing the toilet hope , to no avail, that it would eventually break down and go away. When the bartender returned he said that the first of the big bosses just came in the door. A wave of panic came over me and a rush of suppressed laughter followed. The bartender, as I flushed , pulls out a steak knife and reaches down and cuts the giant turd in half then with the bladed end of the knife he scooted one of the halves towards the flushing hole.finally the water caught both haves and were taking them away. They started breaking up, turning the clear water brown, then clogged the toilet. The bowl began to fill rapidly when just before it over flowed i had to make a decision. I chose to reach in with my hand and break the whole mess up to keep it from over flowing on to the floor. I still find it hard to eat with my right hand!