Bartending is one of the greatest jobs of all time. You are the center of attention. You make great money and you usually have fun doing it. My favorite part of bartending is that I don't have to worry much what I say or how I say it, because its a fucking bar! There are time when a guest will get unruly but for some odd reason, nine outta ten times, they will listen to their bartender and simmer down.
One night bartending in a marina I had a transient boater come in and sit at the bar. I served him several drinks before he asked for a menu. He was one of these guys that starts out nice but FOR INSTANT ASSHOLE JUST ADD ALCOHOL. This guy started telling me that the reason why he sits at the bar is that the bartender cant mess with his food, that he can keep an eye on me. First off this guy knows hes an asshole or why would he be worrying about his food, Anyway to shut the prick down I said well look here man, when I get an asshole at the bar, there's a row of glasses that I dirty dick before my shift and I smile every time that they put their lips on that glass where my dick was. Well the man was speechless for a short moment. He then said "well I'll just start drinking bottled beer". Really I thought, instead of the option to stop being an asshole he's going to change what he drinks? I then replied" it doesn't matter to me because theres a row of bottled beer that I stick in my ass before the shift. Finally he shut the fuck up and was back being the nice guy I knew he could be.
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