The stench filled the air as the poop went flying

           The best food and beverage employees are the one that think fast on there feet and have an ability to MFD (make fucking do) I have always told anyone that works with me, "there are two types of people, problem solvers or problem makers. Which one are you?"                  
           I used to bartend for a guy that owned a jazz club on Market street in downtown Charleston S.C. The menu was good but the draw was the great live jazz. Charley decided one day that he was going to do a Sunday brunch. It was a great idea, just no preparation other than to say, we are going to open for brunch. The first Sunday that we were to do this, the night people hadn't done the best of a clean up to be open in the day light. So the couple of us that were suckered into working this horrible shift, were running around trying to get cleaned and set up before we opened the doors. Charlies son and his dog lived in the laundry room of this restaurant and apparently the dog need to go out some time during the night. As I ran around setting the last of the tables , the waitress was vacuuming the floor. As we both were close to being finished I looked up and noticed a small line developing outside. Just as I turned to inform the girl vacuuming, She hit a pile of dog poop with the vacuum. The stench filled the air as the poop went flying. I was hit by some of the shrapnel. Both of us stunned for a split second, then without thought I ran and grabbed a damp rag to wipe up all the pooh and she ran for her purse to get some perfume to rid the stench. We were open on time for a successful first brunch. At our break it was like we had forgotten what had happened pre-opening, when the waitress pointed out that I had some poop on my shirt. This caused total recall and a burst of laughter followed.

Restaurant terminology

          Through your emails and comments about my posts, I see that there are a bunch of you out there that are not in the business or are new to it. Some of the things I write are confusing because of the terminology. I hope that this post will help you out.


                                   The following are terms and their meaning

• 86... to be out of an item on the menu. example; 86 baked potatoes means we ran out of baked potatoes
• in the weeds...when a guest has a need and your to busy to take care of that need. example; A bartender is standing behind the bar with 50 people yelling his name wanting drinks, he's got a hand full of money in one hand, three drinks in the other and no idea what or who any of it is for.
• Pocket check...an order has been taken and was forgotten. example; OMG I forgot to put this tables order in and they are asking for their food!
• On the fly...when you need something ten minutes ago. example; OMG I forgot to put this tables order in and they are asking for their food! I need it on the fly
• two top, three top ect...The number of guests at a table. example; hostess goes to a waiter and says "I just seated you a 4 top, the waiter knows there are 4 people there
• on a wait...when guests come in the door and there is no where to seat them. example; the hostess tells the manager that there is no where to seat the people coming in the door and they are getting pissed off. The manager will say put them on a wait , tell them thirty minutes.
• MFD...make fucking do example; server says to the manager "we are out of silverware" the manager, uable to shit any out, will reply "MFD"
• Mo Mo... A customer that comes in and wants mo of this and mo of that, but you ain't getting no mo money example; A guest comes in asking for water with lemon, when you bring the water with a wedge of lemon, the guest says I need mo lemon, when you return with more lemon wedges the guest then asks for mo sugar because they have used all the packets at the table making their fresh squeezed lemonade that you can't charge them for.
• Spoda...A customer that has different expectations for what they had ordered. example; A guest orders Grilled chicken with a baked potato and  a salad, when the food is delivered to the guest he says"oh hell no its spoda be fish!"
• pima...pain in my ass. no example needed

          i hope that this will help you understand my posts a little better. If there are any questions about anything I have written, please feel free to email me.

Where the hell is Lulu

            Bartending on a busy night can wear out even the most seasoned of bartenders. Some shifts are up to 10 hours and there are no designated breaks. If you need to use the restroom, smoke or get something to drink, it must be done on the fly and only if business dictates that its ok to do so.
            One Wednesday night I decided I was going to go to my favorite watering hole. The bar was especially busy on Wednesday because they would have a band and a live radio feed. Wild Wednesday was how it was broadcasted. I got there in time to get a seat at the bar in a stool that didn't allow people behind me because of a wall. I had a great view of all the activities that were going on throughout the bar. One of my favorite bartenders was on duty, we will call her Lulu. Lulu, all of about five foot tall, could handle the busiest of nights. Wild Wednesday was no exception. As the night went on with business strong and five people deep around the bar, the usual bar disputes, spilt drinks and loud talking were beginning to take its toll on the two working the bar.  Finally Lulu throws her hands up and said "I need a smoke break" the other bartender nodded his approval and off goes Lulu. Fifteen minutes went by and Lulu never came back. twenty minutes, thirty minutes and still no Lulu. "Where the hell is Lulu" the other bartender asked. Everyone was looking for her. Her car was still in the lot, her purse still behind the bar. Where the hell is Lulu. I left the bar a couple hours later and don't mind telling you I was a little freaked out as to her where abouts.The next morning I got a call from a buddy that asked if I had heard the news about Lulu, I told him I had not. He told me that when Lulu went out back for a smoke she had decided to hit a joint instead of a cigarette. Just as she did this a police man came around the corner, arrested her and took her to jail. Thus ends the mystery of the missing bartender and the moral of this story isn't don't get caught, because I know that's what some of you are thinking! Its don't smoke pot at work!
             Lulu, should you read this, I miss you. Email me, I would love to get caught up.

venting

           A man and his son of like 12 years old are in for dinner sitting at a booth in the bar area. After they ate, the waiter came to me and said "table 92 needs to see you". "why?" I ask. He said because he wants to tell you what a good time this has been for he and his son. I'm thinking I could use a compliment. I go to the table with my guard down and perked about this compliment that's coming.The man says to me, in a way that I think his tongue was swollen," are you the manager?" I said "yes sir" he then goes off on this tangent " every time I've been here the food tastes like shit (which sounded like sit because of the tongue thing). I got the fish one time and it tasted like shit. "Look look" the man points at his kids food. "he's even eatin and you guys always fuck up his food." Then he said "I thought I should tell you the good shit cuz I all ways tell you the bad shit." I'm not sure how I felt about what he was telling me. Hey Mr. Swollen tongue, Your an Idiot. Why would you repeatedly go to a place that lets you down.Subjecting your young one to your respect less stupidity. What really pisses me off is what your dumb ass is teaching your offspring. We will have him to look forward to in ten years! You make me wish I had gone to school to be a mortician. Wow that felt good. It felt so good that this will be a reoccurring segment on this blog. Hey and feel free to vent to me.

I swear I thought he was a bar patron

         Owning a night club takes up a lot of your life. You need to really love what youre doing or its not worth it. Being married, in a relationship, having kids and or a pet will take its toll on all that. The less you have, the easier the job.
           When I opened the after hours club, it was all-consuming but fortunately I was a single man. I did however have a dog. Boris was my family and my best friend. A beautiful golden retriever with a huge personality. Normally while I worked, there were always people that would go by and hang out with him, but i liked him with me. Plus, being as social as he was, he loved hanging at the bar too. I had gotten busted by the health department lady on two occasions for having Boris in the club. It made me mad that she said that he couldn't hang out there because I know that he had better hygiene than half the patrons. Anyhow I told her it wouldn't happen again. A couple months went by and bar guests were asking why Boris hadnt been in. and I guess I had conveniently forgotten about that mean old health department lady so I brought Boris down to the club. As luck would have it one of my waitresses said she saw the health department lady coming up the walk. Without thought I grabbed Boris, put him on a bar stool and said Boris please stay still as I put my ball cap on him. He looked at me as though he knew what I was saying, and complied. My few bar patrons at that time quickly changed seats as though they were all together drinking and having fun. She entered the bar and walked right past the group and started her inspection. When she went behind the bar and was looking around she said hey to the group in passing and continued on with the inspection. She finished up, and started packing her things to leave. She said her goodbyes when she jumped back startled and said "that dog cant be in here." I said "I swear I thought he was a bar patron." She laughed so hard and said that's your last free pass.

whack your boss

Please follow the link below and play whack your boss. A great stress reliever.

if I'm your boss, I'd rather you played the game instead of coming to work and going postal

http://www.heavygames.com/whackyourboss/gameframe.asp

I'll take a look at it

      Technology is a great thing. Some of these computer systems amaze me. I often think had I had one of these systems in the early years how much easier things would have been. Controlling waste to maintaining inventory. Thank god the day of the hand written check is over.
       I was bartending one busy night, the bar was full and I had ten waitstaff on the floor hustling. I had a spiral check holder down at the service bar that when a wait person needed a drink they would put the hand written check in it. I would come down between servicing my patrons and quickly make the drinks for all the waitstaff. There was one waitress that was getting on my nerve that night either I couldn't read what she was writing or it just didn't make sense. We had exchanged a some harsh words towards each other throughout the night and as the busy night went on, the patience by everyone working started to wear thin. I was falling behind, running out of essentials like ice and clean glassware, trying to keep up with all the demands from my bar guests as well as taking care of all the wait staff. I go down to the service bar and there are no less than fifteen checks standing there waiting. All were easy fixes, then I pull one of "her" checks and all it says is" look at it". "LOOK AT WHAT"  I yelled. She yells "NO DUMB ASS, ITS A DRINK". The veins start to pop out on the side of my head and my face turns beet red. I yell "WHAT THE FUCK IS A LOOK AT IT?" Then she yells back "YOUR THE FUCKING BARTENDER YOU TELL ME". Ready to explode from the stupidity and going no where fast I said what are you talking about, She said that her guest said "I'll take a look at it". I told her I have never heard of such a thing so go back to that table and find out what is in a look at it. When she returned from the table you could see the fear in her eyes as to what she had to tell me. What? I said. She told me that the guest told her that he'd take a look at it, meaning the drink menu. "He will have a long island iced tea" she said quietly. I did not explode and I did not kill her, but we all had a big laugh.
         

Man a taste of my own medicine

        The older I get, the more I understand that mean look that old people have on their face. Its not that their mean, its the reflection of all the heart ache from failing health, shitty jobs with fucked up bosses, messed up friends, messed up family and the loss of loved ones. When they smile, they beam and all the ugly is gone, replaced with all that is good in life.
         The night was slow which gave all the wait staff an opportunity to catch up on the most recent gossip of who's doing who. As I walked by the bar I heard the bartender and a waitress, both girls, talking about their trip to the beach tomorrow. They had quite the day planned' sunning and drinking on the beach were top on their agenda. I circled the bar and came back to them as though I heard nothing. I pointed at the TV and said "did you all see that on the news? there was a chemical spill at the beach and it was going to be closed the next couple of days".Completely bummed they started to revise their plans. I laughed at them, told them they were dumb and went on about my business. I had already forgotten the mean act to the two girls when an old woman looking seriously pissed off, came at me pointing that bony little finger and asked " are you the manager" I said "yes mam I am, what can I do for you?" she said with a stern voice and a mean face " the service here is horrendous and the food was bad as well" I asked her what the problem was. I gotta tell you at this point she was kinda scaring me, even though I think I could have taken her if it came down to that. She reached up, put a hand on my shoulder. I thought this is it , I'm going to have to punch an old lady, she beamed a bright smile and said "I'm just kidding you the way you did the two girls" She turned proudly and walked away leaving me completely dumbfounded. I thought man a taste of my own medicine. I chased her down and kicked her ass. Um now I'm teasing you ;-)

I smile every time they put their lips on that glass...

           Bartending is one of the greatest jobs of all time. You are the center of attention. You make great money and you usually have fun doing it. My favorite part of bartending is that I don't have to worry much what I say or how I say it, because its a fucking bar! There are time when a guest will get unruly but for some odd reason, nine outta ten times, they will listen to their bartender and simmer down.
            One night bartending in a marina I had a transient boater come in and sit at the bar. I served him several drinks before he asked for a menu. He was one of these guys that starts out nice but FOR INSTANT ASSHOLE JUST ADD ALCOHOL. This guy started telling me that the reason why he sits at the bar is that the bartender cant mess with his food, that he can keep an eye on me. First off this guy knows hes an asshole or why would he be worrying about his food, Anyway to shut the prick down I said well look here man, when I get an asshole at the bar, there's a row of glasses that I dirty dick before my shift and I smile every time that they put their lips on that glass where my dick was. Well the man was speechless for a short moment. He then said "well I'll just start drinking bottled beer". Really I thought, instead of the option to stop being an asshole he's going to change what he drinks? I then replied" it doesn't matter to me because theres a row of bottled beer that I stick in my ass before the shift. Finally he shut the fuck up and was back being the nice guy I knew he could be.

Just put the quarter in your ass crack, waddle over the shot glass and drop it in

           After The Third Floor came Red Hot Tomatoes, a sandwich joint by day and a private food and beverage club by night. I took the concept a step further, locking the doors and closing the blinds after ten pm until eight am. Only key holders could enter the club. The only way to get a key was to prove that you worked in the food and beverage industry. In its early days there was just a core membership and my fondest memories. One late night or early morning a storm came through and knocked out the power. Other than a couple emergency lights there was nothing else going on. I had a box of votive candles that I put in glasses and spread throughout the club. With no entertainment I had to come up with something quick to hold what little crowd that I had. I told everyone to give me a dollar and in return I would give them four quarters to play a game. Someone said "are we playing quarters" I replied "um kinda". I past out the quarters and placed a small shot glass in the middle of the floor. The rules are simple I said, just put the quarter in your ass crack, waddle over the shot glass and drop it in. And no you do not take your pants off! The one to get the quarter in the glass wins all the quarters on the floor. I was happy at how easy it was to talk these people into such a ridiculous game and how funny drunks look playing it. Everyone participated, one girl though really got the laughs when she got the quarter wedged in her crack, waddled over the shot glass and nothing. no quarter dropped she reached back and the quarter was gone. Damn girl did your ass eat the quarter? One guy landed a quarter in the shot glass and won like sixteen dollars. Not a bad win for something so silly. I urge everyone reading this to play this game in a group at least once. You wont regret it! Warning, do not modify the rules by removing pants, that's just nasty

Woooweee girl you dont know about summers eve now do ya?

          Ive always tried to push the envelope when it comes to my humor. Many times it has back fire and really piss people off. Other time I will go over the top and it will be received with the intent it was sent. Those are the times that make me strive harder to be a bit more extreme.
           I had a little bar in Charleston South Carolina that became pretty popular very fast. I was amazed at the draw. It was on the third floor of an old building right in the hub on market street. I was gearing the place to food and beverage employees. My thought was that I wanted to have a place where food and beverage employees could go without the fear of running into that fucked up customer you waited on an hour ago. A bar full of my people! Anyway when you came in the front door the beautiful mahogany bar was the first thing you'd see in this dimly lit room. From there the floor tiered down four levels, all with booths and comfortable seating At the bottom was a parkay dance floor in front of a raised stage perfect for all types of entertainment. To the right of the stage was a door that led to a back staircase which was used by staff. It was a usual night with a festive crowd all laughing and having fun. I came up the back stair case and came out the door next to the stage. As soon as I entered the room I saw a young lady with a group of her friends sitting on the cushioned bench across from the stage. She caught my eye because she was wearing a short skirt and her legs were apart at the knee enough that, well,  without thought I walked towards her and faked a trip landing my face in her lap. I jumped up and exclaimed loudly "woooweee girl you don't know about summers eve now do ya. As soon as i said it, to these strangers I've never met, I thought SHIT I'M GOING TO GET MY ASS KICKED. All of the sudden a roar of laughter bellowed out from the group and they embraced the joke to the point that the girl I did it to bought me a drink. God i love my job i love my job i love my job.

Thanks everyone. You all make me smile!

         I feel I owe everyone a big thank you for reading my blog, I never thought for a moment it would reach so many people. I was however expecting to entertain the people I've worked with and met in the industry over the past thirty five years. I just check the stats and in nineteen days I have reached 875 readers, five of which are in Germany and one in South Africa. You people over there, these are isolated incidents, please don't think this is the norm for Americans. ;-) Ive kept the names out of the blog to protect the extreme guilty and will continue to do so. I would love feed back and would love to read your stories.My email is as follows benrhtmon@aol.com   Please continue to enjoy the reading as much as I enjoy telling my stories. Ok on with the blog.

ring of fire, you should really get that checked out

Oh my god is that real

                it was a usual start to a usual day, the threat of out of town big bosses coming through to tell us that everything we are doing was wrong. Everyone doing their part helping straighten and cleaning up the restaurant. The bartender came to me pale and said "I need you to see something"Wtf man the big guys are due here any minute, what is it. He said you have to see it with your own eyes. I followed him to the men's room, my immediate thought was this can't be good. We entered the restroom, he walked over to the handicap stall and pushed the door open, turned and looked at me. I said "what man." The bartender said "look in the toilet." Against my better judgement I looked down. "Oh my god is that real" I shrieked like a little school girl." I guess" replied the bartender. In the toilet sat the largest turd i had ever seen. It looked like someone popped both ends out of a dog food can and pushed it out into the toilet. there was no tapered ends like someones asshole opened up and this giant turd fell out. With the big guys due any minute i said to the bartender "what are we going to do with that?" He said he would be right back, mean while i kept flushing the toilet hope , to no avail, that it would eventually break down and go away. When the bartender returned he said that the first of the big bosses just came in the door. A wave of panic came over me and a rush of suppressed laughter followed. The bartender, as I flushed , pulls out a steak knife and reaches down and cuts the giant turd in half then with the bladed end of the knife he scooted one of the halves towards the flushing hole.finally the water caught both haves and were taking them away. They started breaking up, turning the clear water brown, then clogged the toilet. The bowl began to fill rapidly when just before it over flowed i had to make a decision. I chose to reach in with my hand and break the whole mess up to keep it from over flowing on to the floor. I still find it hard to eat with my right hand!

I woke up to feet going by

           Its funny when your young, you are invincible. You can stay out all night being drunk and god only knows what else, close the bar and be to work for a breakfast shift at 530 am. This particular catered breakfast was for 300 people. There were 15 waiters hustling to be set and ready thirty minutes prior.The guest were to start arriving at 7:40 am and usual we were way ahead of schedule. My still drunk ass thought I would crawl up under the buffet table and take a short nap. Holy shit, I woke to feet going by. My first thought was to panic, the second thought was, god I hope no one drops anything and the third thought, the one I chose, was to just go back to sleep. When I woke the second time the room was quieter than before. I peaked out the one side to see that no one was around, rolled out and began to break down the buffet table as though I had been working all along. No one noticed that I hadn't been around helping the whole time. Man I felt bad about that tip share showing up on my check.

is there anything you need us to pray for you?

       In one of the earlier stories I kinda, in a round about way, dogged the church people as customers. I'm about to back peddle big time. This past Sunday, just after noon when the different churches let out, we fill up and hustled to get everyone taken care of in a timely manner. one of my waitresses had a group of ten waiting at the the door. The girl quickly set the table and collected the party to be seated. When the waitress got them to the table, she realized that there was only eight so she fixed the table and seated them. After getting their drinks and as she was taking their entree order one of the people at the table asked the waitress "is there anything you need us to pray for you?" The waitress replied that there were several things, she asked if she could have a minute to think of the most important one. When she returned to the table she said "can you pray that I make the money that I'm short, for bills, over the next two shifts?" Nothing more was said and their dining was uneventful. The party finished their meal, the waitress took their separate checks, in check presenter books and past them out. Picking up the remaining few dishes on the table and took them to the kitchen, then she returned to the table. The guests now were standing and each handing her their book. When she went to close out each check a wonderful thing had happened. The first book she opened had an extra $100.00, the next had the same that third had an extra $50.00 and the last had $15.00. $265.00 extra, the waitress ran to the people as they were leaving to thank them. They said just come to church some time. The waitress fell apart and wept. She told them she would be most happy to come to their church. She never told the people an amount that she needed, but it was $245.00. She was able to pay all bills before anything got shut off with enough left over to get gas.

dive on them, I promise I will take care of you

      Catering is the greatest part of the hospitality industry. You know exactly how many you are cooking for, its predetermined what your cooking and every party is different. The only set back is that just when you think you have all your bases covered, the unexpected pops up and smacks you up side the head.
       Wild Dunes Resort nestled on the furthest end of the Isle of Palm off Charleston South Carolina. A five star resort with only the finest of amenities and I was the catering manager. I had a party for a hundred people and it was to be a formal event set up on the 16th fairway of their links golf course. It was a beautiful setting with rolling sand dunes on one side and the ocean on the other both lined with palm trees. We had to plan and lay out the whole set up, from a tented portable kitchen down to the large round tables for eight draped with black floor length table cloths and white square overlays. I had gone out every day for a week before the event and spread out pellets of mosquito beater to assure a bug free night which is no small task being that it is the bug capital. The day had come and it was time to build the out door restaurant. By late afternoon, the day of the event, we were doing all the last minute fine tuning. The tables were set with silver, china and crystal. The baby grand piano was put into place and the tented kitchen was getting fired up for the extravaganza. Its now forty five minutes before the guests arrive, I have all my waitstaff dressed in their black pants, white tux shirts, green bow ties and cummerbunds some lighting tiki torches, some placing last of the floral arrangements in the center of the tables. The rest awaiting the first guests, when out of no where the sprinklers all came on. I screamed "dive on them" they looked at me dumbfounded "I promise I will take care of you". So they did, god love them, they laid on the sprinklers till I could get the greens keeper to shut them down. They saved the party from devastation. I took the few wet waiters to laundry and got them dried out to return to an elegant party that no one but the staff knew what had happened.  Drinks were on me that night. I love my job I love my job I love my job.

restaurant commercial

who thinks of this stuff!

I squished it up under my toes and hobbled out the room

       Bar tending is what i did for the majority of my career. It fits my personality best. I like being the center of attention and I like entertaining people. What better forum then a bar, I have the stage and a captive audience. The flip side of that coin is that people think that the bartender is their best friend and that they can tell the bartender anything. We are not lawyers or psychiatrists, we don't have to keep your secrets and probably won't.
         One night one of my regulars came to the bar, she is an attractive young woman in her early 20s and has no problem knocking a few back. Her only problem with drinking to much is that she doesn't care who she leaves with. This night an unattractive older guy sat next to her and buys her a drink. I turn my back for a minute and all I see is the backs of the two as they leave the building. I just shook my head and went on about my business. The next night the girl comes in and the first thing she said to me was, how could you let me leave with that guy? I said, there was no way I could have stopped you! We both laughed,  she then told me the story of that night. She woke up in an unfamiliar bed with an ugly old guy next to her asleep. she quietly got out of the bed, quickly dressed and headed out the door. When she returned home to her parents house and as she snuck into her bedroom she heard her parents alarm clock go off. She quickly undressed from last nights cloths and put on her robe. She then went down stairs and started a pot of coffee. As she waited for the brew, her mom came into the kitchen with a good morning, how did you sleep? as she began to reply to the idle chat, something soggy lands on the top of her foot, she looks down and to her shock sees what appears to be a condom. I said holy shit, did your mom see it? She said no. I then asked, what did you do? She said I squished it up under my toes and hobbled out the room!
        The moral of this story is don't tell your bartender stuff you don't want him to blog about years later!   

I know this is old and raw but

I think that everyone should download copies of this movie and hand it out to unpleasant customers as a learning tool. JUST KIDDING, DON'T BE DUMB!

Was there even an interview?

       Working in this industry you are exposed to every type of human, all with different backgrounds and amounts of baggage. Because of this the interviewing process is critical. You always want to hire a good fit for the team. Unfortunately there are times of desperation and lack of a decent labor pool that you just take what you can get. That's when things get interesting and sometimes down right frightening.
         I get to work ready to concur the shift. I get into the office and there is a note from one of the other managers saying that a new hire was coming in this afternoon to be a server. I printed out all the appropriate forms need to get the new hire started and hoping that me being organized would make a good impression on this person. The bartender came to the office and said that the new hire was here and seated in a booth at the bar. I snatched up the paper and went to meet who we will call Alice. Alice was a strange looking bird, not quite proportional, something just not RIGHT. I greeted her with a smile and a hand shake and said welcome to the team. I place the orientation package in front of the girl. She looked up at me and with a cold stare said she had something to tell me. For God sake what could she possible have to tell me after being employed for only ten minutes? I said whats up, Alice said, I have a dead baby in me and there isn't a doctor in Virginia that will take it out. My first thought was that i was being punked then the moment turned awkward when i realized that she was serious. I fumbled an apology then excused myself for just a minute. Thinking I should  lock the door behind me, I got in the office and went for the phone to call the hiring manager. When she answered the phone all I could ask "was there even an interview.Alice worked for us about two months, she never had the needed surgery nor did I ever schedule her for any closing shift with me.

Theres a booger on my check

        It was a typical Sunday afternoon. The good Christians were finishing up with there after church fueling and servers complaining about their lack of tips from the God fearing people. The shift was about to change. A group of seven entered the building, three adults and four delightfully unsupervised young ones. We got them seated, drinks and their food ordered. Everything went like clock work. I stopped by the table to see how things were going, everyone smiling and having a good time. I did notice the amount of debris on the floor from the kids, but thought I would just close that section till they were done and i could get it cleaned up. Uneventful at this point until the server dropped of the $130.00 check to the table. The server,now annoyed, came to me and stated that the lady on the end needed to see me. When i asked why, the server looked at me and in an angry voice said "she said that i wiped a booger on her check and wants to see you.I laughed, thinking this was a joke, I said "shut the fuck up!"I'm serious she said angrily. I collected myself and went to the table expecting that the sever was exaggerating. She was not. As soon as i forced the words, you need to see me? The lady exclaimed loud enough for half the restaurant to hear, your waitress wiped a booger on my check. All I could say to her is don't be ridicules. Right here! she pointed to a smudge in the corner of the check. I reached over and took the check presenter with the booger stained check from the lady and said I will get you a new check. As I tuned and started to walk away I heard her say "I'm going to get him" I quickly turned and with as pleasant of voice I could muster I said what did you say? She said with a wave of her hand, just get my check. When I returned with the booger free check in its presenter, saying nothing, I handed it to the awful woman. She took the book, threw it and struck me with it. All I could say was Oh My God what is your problem, what do you want? She then started to mimic me, Oh My God Oh My God she squealed, what I want is the check with the booger on it so I can get it analyzed and a discount.Holding back from reaching out and choking the life out of this bitch, I said I will get you the stained check but I'm not giving you a discount, I walked away to find the infamous check. When I returned the awful woman was lecturing the server as to why she was not going to get a tip. Quietly I put the stained check in front of the lady and walked away. How bad is that , the waitress having to stand there and politely endure the fucked up explanation as to why this bitch ain't giving her a tip. She payed the check without a tip and left. When I went to help the poor waitress with cleaning up the section, all the trash on the table had been thrown on the floor. All i could think is that this woman is going to call the corporate office and complain enough that they will send here a gift card and invite her back on us. Wouldn't that be nice, I love my job I love my job I love my job.

Dont settle for anything less than the best

      Its twenty minutes before closing time and two couples come in to eat. they were seated, drink and appetizer orders were taken. Drinks quickly made and delivered to them. To the naked eye, you would think all is well. after the appetizer of wings were delivered, the waitress came to me and said that the lady seated on the left side of the booth want to see me. I whispered "what does she want, is there a problem?" the waitress claimed she didn't have a clue. I approached the table with my usual pleasant smile and asked humbly " did you need to see me?" a question I have grown to hate to the point of nausea. The other three guests got quiet and motion less as the lady on the left began to speak. I don't want these wings she barked, I said I'm sorry, what is the problem with then. She sucked in air as though wanting to explode then pointed her way to long painted finger nail at the untouched wings and snarled, the wings were not prepared with care, they were rushed, take them off the table and bring us new ones. I could only look at the picture perfect wings as I removed them from the table and thinking WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!  Then I thought mmmman I'm going to eat these wings and Ill be damned if I'm going to share with the vulturous staff that is all ready eye balling them as I'm taking them back to the kitchen. I see the three guests and the one fucking bitch get up to help them selves to the salad bar. Once again everything seems hunky dory. Just as the newly cooked (with extra care) wings came up in the window the waitress said that lady (the fucking bitch) wants to see me again. All I could thing is OMG please give me the strength to not punch this bitch in the throat. as I approached the table it took everything I had to  force this smile and one again with stomach acid churning I said "did you need to see me?" There is a fly flying around the salad bar and is urinating on everything, that's nasty. I will not eat anything here! I said, once I shook off the shock of her outlandish statement, I'm sorry about that, i will remove your order from your check. Your wings are up I will get them right out for you. As I turned to leave the table the fucking bitch yelled stop! I will not eat anything in this nasty place. All I could say to her is I'm sorry please come back and try as again another time. In gods name why on earth would I invite that bitch back. Bewildered with slumped shoulders I turned to walk away knowing that the vultures got my wings, I heard the fucking bitch say to the other three "don't settle for anything less than the best.