The deep end

            I had a harsh realization about life. We wake up, drink allot of coffee, take a morning constitutional, prepare for work, go to work, find a moment to eat, go home, have a stiff drink, go to bed, wake up and repeat. Each day I wake up I have to convince myself that I like people and that they are worthy of my time. Each night before bed, as I drink my Johnny Walker Black with three ice cubes, I have to talk myself out of searching Craig's list for an automatic weapon. Then I breath deep and think of happier times and beautiful people from my past.
            I guess I was about seven years old on a hot summer day, my dad took me and my little sister, two years younger, to the public swimming pool. I remember him sitting us both down and sternly telling us to stay in the shallow end of the pool. "do not go near the deep end" he said pointing his index finger in each of our faces. We both shook our heads in acknowledgement to his stern demand, "I will be back in a little while to get you." and off he went. No sooner than we were in the water, splashing about and having a refreshing good time, my little sister suggested we go to the deep end. Had my dad not demanded that we stay in the shallow end, we probably would have never thought to go there. But the seed was planted and I was up for that adventure. I suggested that we hold onto the wall and work our way down to the deepest end of the pool. I remember there wasn't as many people there in the deep end as the shallow end and the water seemed cooler. We made to a ladder where we hung on to it over the deepest end. My sister then had a dare for me. she said " I bet you wont hold your breath, go under the water and open your eyes." That was a dare I was willing to take! So I took a deep breath, held my nose and went under the deep warm water. Why was the water warm?  When I opened my eyes, I saw I was in a cloud of yellow. I screamed an air bubbly scream that only submerged people could hear as I saw were her little feet climbing up the ladder leaving the pool.
              I'm in my fifties now and I still haven't figured out an appropriate pay back. Its remains on my bucket list still to this day.